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Del Amitri

"Some Other Suckers Parade"

A & M Records, 1997

 

I tried, I really, really did. I sat down with a clear mind and put in the CD. I got to around the fourth song when I noticed I was shaking. By the sixth track the shakes had turned into a cold sweat. Track eight brought the migraine and the coughing. By track 10 my head hurt so badly I though it was going to explode, I was shaking and seeing spots, and gagging nonstop. Track 12 and the hives started to appear, up my arms and neck first, and by the end of track 13, down my back and my legs as well. I finally made it through the fourteenth and final song, but it was not pleasant. Three days later and I still get weak after long periods of walking, and if anyone even mentions the name of the album, the hives reappear.

But enough about me, lets get to that new Del Amitri CD! It’s boring as hell. Nothing catchy, nothing exceptional. Lyrically, its pretty lame. Most mainstream pop songs are nowadays, but these lyrics are just plain wrong. To be fair, I think this Scottish band has the potential to make a great song, they just need someone to write one for them. But otherwise, Del Amitri is just an average pop band trying so desperately to make it big on hit radio. It’s not gonna happen with this album, I’m afraid.

The album is entitled, "Some Other Suckers Parade". For you poor suckers who actually bought this album, I propose some medical attention. Or maybe a class in music appreciation, so you can learn to appreciate how truly pathetic this band is. But, to be fair, Del Amitri are not totally worthless. I have found some alternative uses that you would never be able to get out of a Pulp or a Suede CD. Really, if nothing else, I’m impressed with the band’s versatility around the house. Check it out:

 

1) The Del-O-Matic Kitchen Utensil: It slices! It dices! It makes tasty coleslaw in minutes!!!

2) Beautiful Del-Mobile: Wouldn’t you love a constant reminder of money badly spent? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. With every gust you will hear the sweet, sweet tinkling sounds of money down the drain.

3) Fabulous Display of Delcheesey and Crackers: Dazzle your friends with this impressive spread. When they ask, tell them its a Scottish Import.

 

Hopefully you have learned your lesson.


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